The Boring Life of Jay

With Surge out of the way the only thing I have left to do is make my way through Rock Tunnel. Of course I had to get Flash from Oak’s aid but that was a simple trip through Diglett’s Cave. But now…on to Rock tunnel. Oh shit, first I have to get there, so I head back to Cerulean City and go through the trainer spam to get to the tunnel. Like this dumbass

Oh really?! No shit Sherlock. Of course I beat her like Micheal Jackson said so. 

And then Hiker shows up with Geodudes that have rock throw. I forgot that rock attacks are strong against flying. I assumed that rock would have a hard time hitting flying because every time I threw a rock at a bird I missed. One day I’ll knock you out of the sky Lugia! ONE DAY!

Anyways, those rock throws do a beating on Loner, but he manages to scrape away with the win. 

And the lonesome duo arrives at the Rock Mountain.

And turns out it’s hella dark in here. And I dark

So obviously I decide to do that naked man and flash my junk like a teen age boy who discovered…well…oiling the sausage. Turns out my junk was so radiant that it illuminated the entire cave. that’s what I call shock and awe. 

I’m playing my way through the cave and then i run into Pokemon trainer. I take out her oddish easily, but then, her next pokemon surprises me. I didn’t think I would ever see him again, but here he is…Bulbasaur

He found a trainer he liked more…I feel…so…betrayed. But fuck him. He abandoned me! I’m gonna teach him a lesson. Wing attack should be a one hit KO. Knock some sense into him and show him what he missed out on!

Critical hit! That’s how I like my bitches, critically hit. My pimp hand is now officially sore. 

After several more battles, some close calls from Hikers who had their Geodudes and Gravellers go Taliban on my ass and used self destruct, some super potions later, and lot’s of wild pokemon who wouldn’t want me as a trainer even if I tried, I finally got out of there. It feels good to see and feel the warmth of the sun.

And now I find myself at Lavender Town, home of the ghosts and spirits. I wonder if Casper lives in that tower thing. Might as well go check it out. 

Pokemon Tower. The glorious erection in Lavender Town. One day I hope to erect something this large and grand. Mine will be the erection of the century.

Awww fuck. This Asshole again. I swear he’s following me. 

Like usual, Pidgeotto comes out taunting Loner because Loner hasn’t evolved yet. Don’t judge him!

3 quick attacks makes short work of Pidgeotto. Come at me bro!

Interesting, Exeggcute. New addition. I wonder where he got him from cause I haven’t run into any so far. Plant type should be rocked by Wing Attack. 

Yup, my avian flu is too much for him to handle. Can’t phase me bro!

Fuck. Good thing he’s still under levelled but if he learns Ice Beam later I might be in trouble….but right now I win. I didn’t know he learned hydro pump so quick though…

And now Kadabra. This shouldn’t be too hard cause he has low defense. But I wonder where Ratticate is. I haven’t seen him in the lineup yet. Focus. Focus. Loner needs you to focus. Zen master. Kobe system. Ross workout. I’m ready. 

I am the king of the loners! Wait…one more to go…focus!

He send out his flamer. i guess there’s no Raticate now….shit…

I feel bad. I got a flashback from our earlier battle where I went Ike on his Raticate. It was in bad shape…and now he’s at a Pokemon grave site place? I think it died from it’s injuries. I can’t believe I killed his pokemon….I OJ Simpsoned it…I went Dahmer…I pulled a Scar to him Mufasa…fuck…

As Asshole walked away with tears in his eyes, I can’t help but feel for him. I killed his poke yet he didn’t mention it. He didn’t blame me…how could I go on with this on my conscience. I guess I just have to cope with the guilt and focus on being a trainer with a fuckin Pidgey that won’t evolve. I can’t stand this place anymore. I’m going to Celadon City. Get my mind off this shit. 

Now west! Fight trainers and make a name for myself!

Easy trail to Celadon. Loner is healed up and he’s ready to take on the gym! LET”S DO THIS!

Let’s battle everyone else first to get Loner warmed up.

Beauty is up first with her level 24 Bellsprout

Wing Attack one hit KOs that one and her next Bellsprout. I’m thinking this is going to be a breeze of a gym cause of my type advantage and my level advantage. I’ll just skip to what you all care about…the gym leader!

Victreebel was first up and went down quick from two Wing Attacks. It’s good be a cake getting this badge!

Tangela too goes down after two Wing Attacks. She doesn’t stand a chance. 

She has one more to go and I’m gonna guess it takes three Wing Attacks to take em down.

Nope, it took two Wing Attacks to win. Easy gym this time. Loner is beating it up! I’m so proud of his macho man skills hidden in a insecure geeky bird’s body. Reminds me of myself. 

I know I said it earlier but this…this is how I like my bitches.

WHAT UP?!

And now….Nugget Bridge!

Loner being the beast that he is just rocked all the way through the bridge until I was awarded a nugget and an opportunity. An interesting opportunity at that.

I am interested. But it’s not just my life that is affected. I have Loner’s life to think about too. I’m all he has in the world. So I decide…for both of us…to turn down the offer…and in a rage I’m attacked!

I know Loner is going to make me proud and defend me because if I’m not around, he’s just that much lonelier. And I’m right. Loner rocked the bridge and ruins Team Rocket.

Can’t see me bitch!

And now to the route to Bill’s house. Piece of cake and before I even know it Loner and I are right here

In fact Bill is a weird son of a bitch. He goes from this

to this

And thanks to that I get a ticket to the SS Anne. Time for a vacation boys!

Now the long trek to Vermillion City. You know what that means…

Gotta marathon through this path and get on the SS Anne before it leaves port. Why do I feel like Jack Dawson from Titanic? 

A couple of battles later and several dominating victories I arrive and the beacy port of Vermillion City…now where the hell is that ship?

Found it

Alright let’s get to enjoying our vacation. 

I’m just enjoying my self and minding my own business when who should show up?

You…sonofabitch! Always ruining my good time. And of course he wants to fight…

First up

And he goes down like cake after two quick attacks but he scores a crit on me. I’m going to have use a potion for sure later. But next up in Asshole’s line up is…

A wing attack basically knocks him out and the gust that followed was the finishing move on his Raticate. Hopefully I didn’t hurt it too bad cause it seemed to take a pretty hard beating. 

With Raticate out of the way his evolved Abra makes an appearance in his updated form

And just like with Raticate he’s taken out with two hits. Loner is showing up Asshole right now. And for his last ditch effort Asshole sends out Charmeleon

And without using any potions Loner takes the victory!

And because I was able to defeat him I was invited to the Captains quarters but unfortunately the captain was sick. So I rubbed his back until he came around and to show his gratification he gave me the cut HM. Come ups!

After a couple more battles I decide that I should probably let Loner recover so I decide to make a quick trip to the Pokemon Center before it was time for the ship to leave. Right as I left the ship, it started to leave. It was early too!

I guess I’m going to have to wait till after I beat the Pokemon League to take my vacation. That sucks. I guess It’s time to get my third badge huh. 

(Off story note: I’m going to have to start carrying around other pokemon to use as HM slaves but they will not be trained or used in battle. If Pidgey is knocked out I will knock out my other pokes as soon as possible to forfeit the match.)

Let’s go get Surge! But I hope my type disadvantage doesn’t hurt me too much. I am power levelled. Let’s try out the three trainers that come before Surge. 

Gentleman has a level 23 Pikachu, let’s see how this goes.

No damage done to me for an easy win.

Seems like Loner is gonna destroy this place!

Rocker is next

His level 20 Voltorb seems like it’s going to be easy prey for Loner. And he is. He falls after two quick attacks. His Magnemite and other Voltorb fall just as easily. 

Sailor is the final random pre Surge opponent. With how easy the other two have been I’m sure that Loner will have no problems dealing with this. Boy was I wrong. His two Pikachus did work on Loner and Loner barely survived. I’m not the most confident going into the battle with Surge. Loner is a little bit shaken up too. 

And now

He first sends out Voltorb

He goes down pretty quick while Loner only loses 20hp. He sends out a level 18 Pikachu. This shouldn’t be too much of a threat. 

One critical quick attack and Pikachu goes down hard. That’s an easy win for Loner. But before we have a chance to celebrate, Surge sends out his prize beast…Raichu. 

Raichu was able to get a super effective thundershock on Loner but that wasn’t enough. Loner wins decidedly and with that the third gym badge is under our possesssion!

Part 2

With Brock defeated there’s only one play to really go. East towards Mt. Moon and eventually Cerulean City. Will Loner be able to make the journey Han Style…SOLO?! Let’s find out. 

The route to Mt. Moon was nothing to Loner who was power levelled in order to beat Brock. He’s like a monster truck that flies around like a butterfly!

And suddenly Loner start to evolve. I feel like such a happy father, but something happened. Loner is too self conscious and without friends he feels like he’s no good and that resulted in this…

I try and hold back tears as I quietly say to myself, “I still love Loner, I still love Loner” but unsure if it’s true. 

Despite my sadness and Loner insecurities we finally make it to Mt. Moon

Now to trek through the unknown caverns of Mt. Moon. 

Within in caverns and crevasses of Mt. Moon Loner goes through trainer and trainer when Team Rocket appears. Too bad they aren’t properly prepared to go against the Lonesome Loner that I’m training. Even they admit their defeat.

Nearing the end of Mt. Moon, Team Rocket pushed from the front lines, some geek decided to say I’m trying to steal his fossils?! OH HELL NAW! 

I make a quick meal out of his Grimer

Voltorb was easy cake but Koffing almost took out Loner but Loner was able to hold on for the win! This was my way of preventing global warming, knocking out all the Koffings I come across

And in good time Loner and I finally make our way out of Mt. Moon and arrive at Cerulean City. 

I decide to go north before going up against Misty when Asshole turns up again. I really really hate this Asshole. Fuck…

Seems like his pokemon don’t have self esteem issues like mine do. He send out Pidgeotto, so his Pidgey was able to evolve. I’m jealous. 

But as I expected, self esteem doesn’t always mean victory.

I guess those who are most insecure are the ones that are the most dangerous…

Beware…

With that out of the way, Asshole sends out Abra, but he gets knocked out with one hit from Loner. 

Bring it bitch!

And he brings on Rattata at level 15, still 8 levels below me. And just like that he gets knocked out in one hit as well. Can I can get a hell yea? HELL YEAH!

And now he sends out a Charmander? I though he would have evolved that son of a bitch by now. This should be easy. 

Yeah…easy.

With Asshole out of the way I might as well give going Chris Brown on Misty and beating the living crap out of her. 

Now let’s see how Loner takes on the second gym. Let’s do this!

Swimmer is up first with two pokemon

A level 16 Horsea is my first opponent and he’s taken out by two quick attacks and a gust. Is this going to be as easy as it seems to be? Let’s see what type of fight Shellder comes up with. The answer to that is nothing. 

I don’t see the point in healing up so I go onto the next opponent

One poke? One on one? I’m intrigued. 

Only 5 levels under…I’m even more intrigued. 

I spoke too soon. Loner is dominating the gym so far. After a quick heal up at the Pokemon Center I find myself here…

A level 18 staryu is the first one up. Three quick attacks makes short work of him and Starmie is send in to save the day. Starmie wasn’t much of an issue as Loner dominates Misty. The Chris Brownage is complete!

Part 1

Finish Pokemon Red with only using Pidgey. I’m going to have to change up the story a little bit. 

After meeting my rival, that asshole, I run into Pidgey…I send out the Bulbasaur that was given to me and I catch the Pidgey, little did I know that something in the near future was going to change the course of my Pokemon journey. 

Soon after catching Pidgey, who I named Loner, my Bulbasaur starts to act strangely, not wanting to go back into his pokeball and soon, walks out on me. Loner is all I have left…all I have…

With my Loner by my side I make my way up through Viridian Forester fighting everything and anything that comes my way until I get to Pewter City where the Boulder Badge awaits me. 

And the first trainer up is Jr. Trainer. I made short work of his Diglett and his Sandshrew and with that win Loner levels up to level 14. 

Now time to heal and recover and battle the first gym leader, Brock. 

It is time…

Geodude was up first, but his type advantage was too much for Loner to overcome. he looses badly and I black out and sent to the Pokemon Center. I guess I have to train Loner a bit more to get him over the type disadvantage. 

Now the second attempt against Brock…

He sends out Geodude and I send out Loner again, but this time at level 16. How did I do? Well…

Thanks to sand attack, he kept missing me. So I slowly whittled him down. Now…

With the use of two potions and my sand attacks whenever Onix used Bide allowed me to regain and avoid damage when possible. It was still pretty close but Loner was able to beat Onix to gain his first badge!

Part 2

At school. So I wake up today and I just hella bummed it. Just stayed in bed for several hours before having to actually get up to eat and get set for school. I had shrimp and watched Andrew Zimmern do his thing on TV then I basically got ready and went to school. Got there at 6 cause I had class at 7, well, I was waitlisted so I hoped there was room to add. But yea, just read on my iPad for an hour before going to class. There was space so I got into Business Mathematics. This cute girl sat next to me but she’s probably too dumb for my preference. Easy ass class. Learned how to add, subtract, and do long division. So yea…easy A I hope. After class I chilled with Wilson and Chanman until we parted ways. Got home tried CS…worked for a bit and then totally failed. It wont let me connect to games anymore. Fuck that shit. I’m just gonna either play xbox or read till I sleep. DISNEYLAND TOMORROW!

Alright so today was my first day at sac town and goddamn it was a disaster. I woke up expecting to play tennis cause that’s what I enrolled in and when I get there I’m hella confused where to go. Then I noticed 3 people just wandering around where I was so I asked them if they had tennis and apparently one of the girls did and she didn’t know where to go. So we ended up wandering together. Her name was Stephanie. Eventually another straggler joined the confused duo and thus we added Iris to create a trio. Eventually we found out that the class we enrolled for was actually for the tennis team. Like the actual sac tennis team that competes and shit…the three of us were like

Basically the tennis coach was like

So yea…there we were…the three strangers trying to figure out what to do. Iris was a lifesaver and offered to get her laptop from her car to look for classes that Stephanie and I can walk into. So we walk to her car in the fuckin rain and get the laptop and eventually make our way to dry land to search. She found that anatomy was gonna start in like 3 mins for me so I made a dash to the class. I wish i got her number, she was pretty cute and was hella nice so that woulda made this shit a bit better but oh well. So yea, I go to the class and wait but I couldn’t walk in so I went back to where I saw Steph and Iris last but they weren’t there…so there I was alone in the rain like

So yea, I just stood there on my phone trying to see if there was a class or two I can try crashing and I went to one but couldn’t. I don’t even remember what it was. I ended up getting pissed and hit up Wil to chill like

He was down so I ended up like

We ended up at the Thai place next to seafood city where I got my BBQ chicken regular Thai dish. It was good as I expected. We talked for a bit about life. The deep bro shit and then ended up meeting up with Bishop and Chanman, who I picked up, to watch Act of Valor. I also bought Hunger Games tickets for the Josie, Drew, and Joanna fuckers cause they’re too lazy to get it themselves. Assholes. Anyways, Act of Valor was pretty good. Not good in a movie sense, acting was shitty and offered nothing new, but it was a fun movie. A tad too emotional. I wanted more guns and less emotional shit. After that we all jammed out and I went home, ran for a bit, and now here I am, being retarded thinking people read this shit.